Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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