i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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