omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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