hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
