kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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