We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
