So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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