how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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