I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
