he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR