just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up