At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.