Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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