every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
