Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
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then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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