My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
