When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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