I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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