I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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