its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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