Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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