wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
