I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
