Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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