My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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