My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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