so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
