Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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