hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
