You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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