ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
