look no pants
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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