i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
