Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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