I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Found the puke drawer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
