if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
