since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize