ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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