I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
