STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
