What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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