i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
