Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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