I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
