foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
