she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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