billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
