it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
