Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
