party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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