She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
