Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
