Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
