She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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