Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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