I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
