if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize