dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
