you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
