i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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