we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you had me at cake vodka
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
