didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
