Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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