Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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