Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
