i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize