I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
