Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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