wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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