Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
