May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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