Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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