Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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