dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
