Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
