yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
3 2 1 whiskey
Randomize
