That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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