so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have fence marks all over my body
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
