OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
